Cake Mix, Frosting, and a Little Girl We Still Celebrate
By Nick McGeehon, Everly’s Dad
Everly Ann would have turned 8 this year.
Eight. We sat with that number for a while. Eight years old means loose teeth and strong opinions about what she wants for dinner. It means eye rolls and belly laughs and probably some kind of phase we’d be navigating together as a family. It means a little girl who is very much here.
But she’s not here. And that’s the part that never gets easier to say out loud.
What we’ve learned though is that grief and celebration can live in the same space. They don’t cancel each other out. You can miss someone with everything you have and choose to honor them in a way that feels like them. That’s what we set out to do this year.
We came across a post by Alexandra Turnbull of The Family Nutritionist that sparked something in us. The idea was simple. Beautiful, even. Put together birthday cake kits for families who might not otherwise have one. Cake mix. Frosting. Sprite. Birthday candles. Everything you need to make someone feel like their day matters.
We made 8 kits. One for every year Everly should have been with us.
We dropped them off at Circle of Concern, our local food pantry here in St. Louis. And as we handed them over, it hit me. Eight families are going to celebrate a birthday because of a little girl they’ve never met. Eight candles are going to get blown out somewhere because Everly existed.
That’s not nothing. That’s everything.
Grief has a way of making you feel powerless. Like the only thing you can do is survive it. And some days, that really is enough. But other days… you get to do something with it. You get to take the love you have for your little girl gone too soon and hand it to someone who needs it.
That’s what eight birthday cake kits felt like to us. Love with somewhere to go.
We are so blessed to live in a community that makes it easy to show up for each other. We are grateful for the team at Circle of Concern for doing what they do every single day. And we are grateful — every single day — for the four months and eleven days we had with our sweet Everly Ann.
Happy birthday, baby girl. We celebrated you well.
Want to Create Birthday Cake Kits in Honor of Your Child?
If this idea feels meaningful for your family, you are welcome to make it your own. There is no right way to honor your child, and this may or may not be the right fit for you. But if it feels doable, putting together birthday cake kits can be a simple way to celebrate your child while helping another family celebrate someone they love.
Here is one way to do it:
Choose a number that feels meaningful.
You might make one kit, one for each year your child should have been here, or any number that feels right to you.
Gather simple supplies.
Each kit can include a foil pan with lid, a box of cake mix, a can of soda, frosting, and birthday candles. The soda can replace the eggs, oil, and water, which makes the cake easier for families to prepare.
Add a personal note if you’d like.
We created a simple card to include with each kit. We’ve also made an editable Canva version that you can customize for your own family.
Use the editable Canva card template here:
https://canva.link/mlwfvy28i33s1r3
Print.
The template is formatted to print on a full sheet of paper. Once printed, fold in half and attach to your kits.
Donate the kits somewhere local.
A food pantry, community center, school social worker, shelter, or family support organization may be glad to receive them.
Keep it simple.
This does not have to be elaborate to be meaningful. One kit is enough. A few kits are enough. Doing it once is enough. Changing your mind is okay, too.
Resources for Bereaved Parents
Resources for Family and Friends
