Expecting as a Grandparent

Expecting as a Grandparent

By Jim Whitlock, Lila’s Grandpa

When you’re “expecting” as a grandparent, it is such a different animal. I remember as a
younger newly married man, coming home to the teary-eyed wife and the test waving
around at me. “Are you mad?” 10,000 thoughts came through my mind in about a blink of
an eye. For the first time in my life responsibility was defined for me. Real responsibility.

I found out we were expecting grandparents in 2022. My phone buzzed with a text from my
wife, who was in the next room. Not normal behavior. The text read, “we need to make a
dad a t-shirt!” Followed quickly by my wife’s red face appearing in the doorway as she saw
my phone in my hand. I sort of felt deep down what it meant. My daughter was pregnant.
There is a level of great excitement. Especially, the first time you experience something.
There is only hope and expectation. I was super excited, immediately picturing a little boy
mastering the football field and basketball courts. Or (Lord help me) a little girl as sassy
and wonderful as my daughter. My heart was full. There was little else for me to do as
Grandparent, except sit and wait for the arrival.

Eight or Nine weeks later, my called me with that tone in her voice that told me something
had gone terribly wrong. Our Daughter had lost the baby. I was crushed. Mostly for my
daughter and her boyfriend. Obviously, this was a possible outcome. I had considered it in
those first few seconds after receiving the news. The hardest part for me was the fact I
could really do nothing. I desperately wanted to do something. Anything to make things
better. I shook my fist at God.

The coach in me prepared a pep talk for the kids. A halftime speech to get us back in the game. I called my daughter and when she answered I simply dissolved into sobbing and basically spitting out “I’m just so sorry” and “I have no answers.” I was, in every definition of the word, helpless. I couldn’t make anything better. It was an empty void that felt like it would suck everything into it.

Since this time, we have repeated this process 3 times as a family. It’s been equally devastating each time. I no longer enter the process with hope and joy. I enter with a plan and strategy and honestly a secret dread. I believe my daughter will be a great mom. How that will develop is part of God’s plan. And I do know His plans are good.

In 2024, my youngest married his high school sweetheart and some nine months ago we
were summoned to a family meeting. An ultrasound was produced and tears and talk of
the future followed. During this past 9 months, God has brought me through a journey of
restored hope. As a Christian, I am certain I will enjoy time with all of my grandchildren in
Heaven. I can’t wait to meet them. Honestly, I no longer pain for them. They were ushered
into the presence of Jesus with none of the pain of this World. I’m sad that I must wait to
enjoy them. But it is more anticipation than sorrow. The Bible tells us that this World is a
temporary experience and that much more Joy will follow. I still get a little weak when I
think of babies we haven’t met. But, I do trust in the Joy to come.

It is an odd conversation when we said our son’s family was expecting and people said “oh,
your first?” The easy answer is “yes.” It makes the conversation go smoothly. Happy. But I
also learned that it steals the testimony of my grandkids. I believe life begins with
conception. I have 4 grandbabies (spoiler alert, 5) that have a story that I can use to share
Jesus with people. It’s a hard conversation. I almost never get through without crying.
Sharing it with men’s groups and at work makes people feel awkward. But share I do. I
have learned to enjoy it. I mean, sharing God’s Love and Hope with people. It seems silly
to say I’ve learned to enjoy it. But I have. I don’t see it as a story of loss or failure. It’s a
story of a little life. The loss is my story. Having to wait to go fishing or have tea parties can
be difficult, but I KNOW it’s coming.

Last night, we got to meet little Lila in this World. It was beyond expectations. I can’t wait
to spoil her and give her stuff her parents frown upon. And I can’t wait to tell her about her
cousins who are waiting for her in Heaven. What a Blessing it will be to get to see them.